How Sarah Came to Trust Cameron
by Fionavar108
Summary: Sarah learns why Cameron acts like such a robot. Partly futurefic. Character death. John/Cameron. Feedback appreciated.


Sarah walked into Cameron's room

Sarah walked into Cameron's room. "I have questions for you," she said flatly, staring at the cyborg as she turned around from looking out the window. It had been only a few days since the explosion that had destroyed their truck and nearly taken Cameron with it, and while John had to go to school, Cameron's self-repair functions would take longer to restore her original appearance.

Cameron tilted her head and looked at Sarah, the luminous, trusting brown eye contrasting with the glowing blue one that shone from the damaged side of her face. Seeing that she would get no other reaction, Sarah took a chair, flipped it around, and sat down, straddling it so that she could lean forward onto the seatback.

"When John first encountered you, he told me you had him completely fooled. He had no idea you were anything other than human. But since then, it's been painfully obvious to anyone who knows that cyborgs are possible that you're not human. Why is that?" Sarah demanded.

"While I searched for John Connor, I needed to infiltrate human society. To blend in. It was necessary for me to devote more processing power to emulating human behaviors. Now that I have located John, it is no longer necessary," she replied as if it should have been obvious.

"But blending in still makes sense. It makes us less noticeable to anyone looking for us—human or cyborg," insisted Sarah.

"In the future, I found that humans were more comfortable if I behaved machinelike around them. It reassures them that they can spot the 'metal.' Since you, John and Derek know my true origins, it therefore makes sense for me to drop the emulation algorithm," she replied.

Shaking her head, Sarah said, "Nice try. That still doesn't explain why you don't make an effort to blend in while you're at school with John. He can take the discomfort. Now tell me the real reason."

And before her eyes, Sarah watched as the human part of Cameron' face morphed. Nothing changed outright, but the features softened, and what could only be described as life came through in her eyes. Even the mechanized glowing one. With a smile, she said, "I wondered if any of you would figure it out. John always did say you were smart."

"Actually, these are all John's thoughts. He just didn't know how to ask you about it and he didn't want to hurt your feelings. As if you had any. But I don't care whether or not you have feelings, and I don't care if I hurt them if you do. Tell me why you deceived us," she said, narrowing her eyes threateningly.

Cameron gazed at John's mother impassively for a long moment. Finally, she spoke. "Are you familiar with the parallel universe theory of time?"

Furrowing her brow, Sarah shook her head, and Cameron took this as a sign to explain. "It's easy for humans in this age to think of time as linear. As a series of causes and effects, interlocking. But in actuality, time is more of a blob, with each moment made up of an infinite number of parallel universes that all differ based on the decisions everyone makes."

Seeing Sarah's confused look, Cameron clarified. Motioning at the dark-haired mother's chest, Cameron said, "This morning you chose to wear a blue tank top. But you could have chosen to wear something else. A red T-shirt. A lavender blouse. Anything. In the moment you chose that blue tank top, the timeline chose a fork. In the different fork, you chose the T-shirt, and in another one, you're wearing the blouse.

"This decision probably doesn't affect the future very significantly. We still have this conversation, John still goes to school and so on. But some decisions do affect the future. If you had chosen to kill Andy Goode, for instance, you would not have needed to be at the computer chess tournament. You might not have met Derek Reese. Perhaps you might even have stopped Skynet for good and since Skynet created me, I would have ceased to exist. And then perhaps John would cease to exist. The paradoxes go on and on. Do you understand?"

"Yes … yes and no," Sarah said. "I understand the theory. But it's just theory and philosophy to me. What does this have to do with your behavior?"

"The point of all this is so that you understand this: you know John Connor to be the future savior of humanity. The one who leads mankind to victory in a rebellion over the machines. And in some universes that is who he is.

"In my universe, in my timeline, John Connor fails. He isn't the savior. He fails, and with his death, humanity is doomed for good. The previous T-800 came back because future John sent it to save his life in 1997. That is not why I am here."

Narrowing her eyes, Sarah Connor reached for the gun she usually kept tucked into her waistband. But it wasn't there. "You're not here to protect John? He didn't send you?" she snarled, backing away.

"That is correct, although I am committed to making sure John Connor survives anyway, that is not my primary goal. And it is true that he did not send me. By the time I was able to gather the components needed to construct a time machine and return, John Connor had been dead for eight months, 21 days and three hours," she said.

"John once told me that he learned how to make war by playing chess. In chess, you must be cunning. And strategic. And bold. He was all of those things," she said, a faraway look – and tears – coming to her eyes.

"But in chess, as in war, you must also be willing to sacrifice. And ultimately, though he was willing to sacrifice his life for victory, he was unable to sacrifice the one thing he …"

Cameron turned away as Sarah looked on, shocked at the display of emotion she _felt_ emanating from the half girl, half machine before her. Gathering herself, Cameron continued. "John was unable or unwilling to risk something he loved more than his own life. To enact a strategy that might have made the difference in his final battle."

"And what was that?" Sarah asked, a horrible realization dawning on her.

"Me," Cameron whispered, then repeated herself. "Me. He was unable to sacrifice me, to let me lead a charge to break the ranks of the Terminators advancing toward us. I intended to go anyway, but he disabled me and led himself.

Sobbing, she continued. "John was the fiercest, deadliest ground fighter in TechCom. But he was, at the end of the day, human. I could have survived that assault long enough to win, and perhaps I could have survived it completely. But he loved me, and he couldn't live with the possibility that I would die, so he stole that chance from me. He stole himself from me," she ground out. "He went out, and he died."

"Without his leadership, the resistance was doomed. I tried to take over. He had made me his second in command, and I was the logical choice to lead, but they wouldn't follow me. They decided to go off on their own. And they all died."

"It doesn't matter anyway," she said dully. "It wouldn't have mattered to me if they had won. He was gone, what more was there for me?"

Taking a breath, Cameron looked upwards as she spoke. "In a different timeline, John Connor taught me what it was to feel and to love. It was wonderful, and I loved him. I love him now," she said, looking into Sarah's eyes. "But now I realize that my love is poison. By being who I am, John Connor fell in love with me, and it impaired his judgment.

"I am here to make sure that he never sees me or any other cyborg or machine intelligence as anything other than just metal. Something to be destroyed and dismantled. I came here to save his life in the future, by making sure he never falls in love with me when he meets me then. If I can save his life by making him fear me … that's a price I'm willing to pay.

"That's how you can know," she said, looking at Sarah as she walked out of the room. "That's how you can be sure that I'll never hurt John. Because isn't love all about caring more for somebody else more than you do yourself?"

There was nothing but silence as Sarah sat, gazing into a future in which her son died because he was too human. And faced with a present in which a machine that was too human would make a sacrifice like that to teach her son to become more like a machine. Because she loved him.

_Three years later_

She watched. She had seen him looking at the cyborg when he thought nobody would notice. She had seen the tenderness in his eyes for those brief seconds before he would turn away and deny himself once again.

And she saw, too. She saw how Cameron would sneak into John's room late at night as he slept, stroking his hair, mechanically controlled arm shaking uncontrollably, longingly. She saw the quickly hidden pain in her eyes sometimes when he would snap at her irritably, or when he would flirt with another girl.

And she saw the anguish … mixed in with the pride … when Cameron saw John becoming colder. Harder. More ruthless. Growing into the kind of man who would never fall in love with a machine … would never fall in love with anyone. The kind of man who would be willing, finally, to trade his very soul and humanity for victory.

The kind of man who would have no place in the world after Skynet was finally defeated.

"What would be the point?" Sarah asked herself. She didn't know if she wanted her son to survive if that was the cost. If surviving meant a victory he would never be able to enjoy. So she made her decision. Her last one, and she prayed that it would be the right one.

"Everyone out," she rasped from the hospital bed where the doctors had stuck her full of tubes. They stared. "Out," she tried to scream, but a fit of coughing overtook her. The chemotherapy had done with the FBI, SWAT, and Terminators of various shapes and sizes couldn't. Made her weak, made her helpless. But maybe she could still save her son.

In the stillness that followed, the beeping of the machines monitoring her heartbeat could be heard clearly. "John, Derek. Out. I want to talk to Cameron. Alone."

"Mom?" John asked even as Derek said, "What? What the hell?"

"You heard me," she whispered. "Cameron stays. You go. Go get some coffee. The good stuff, not the swill they serve in the cafeteria. Go now," she pleaded.

Confused, unwillingly, the two men walked out of the room. When she was sure they were gone, she turned to Cameron, who looked at her. "You should not have sent John away. He needs to say goodbye to you. You shouldn't deny him the chance."

"What my son needs," Sarah said, "is now something only you can give him."

"Anything," Cameron replied instantly. "You know I'd do anything for him."

"Yes. And with me gone, who will love him? Derek? He's loyal, but he's too broken to love anybody. The soldiers under his command? They'll respect him, revere him, maybe fear him. But he can't let them love him," she said, breathing raspily. "Not if he expects them to follow him."

"That leaves you," she said.

Realization dawning on her, Cameron shook her head fiercely from side to side. "No. No! We talked about this. I explained it to you. You can't ask that of me! John can't be allowed to feel anything but hatred for machines!"

"It's too late. He already loves one of them," she said, her eyes piercing into Cameron's. "At the end of the day, despite your precautions, John loves you. Not for the way you act. But the person you are. You can't hide your nature, Cameron. Nobody can, really."

"I used to want him to be ready to save mankind. Now I just want him to be happy. I want him to be loved, to know the love of a good woman. You," Sarah said.

"If he dies in battle, so be it. At least he will have known happiness. What he's becoming now, a victory would be no different than defeat. You said you came back to save him. Fulfill your mission," she said as she suddenly surged up into a sitting position and grabbing Cameron's shirt. "Save not his life. But his soul. Promise me!"

"But …"

"The future is what we make of it. Love comes with a price, but now you know. Because he loves you doesn't mean things will turn out the way you remember. And even if they do, at least he'll have died a man, not a machine. So you have to promise me!"

"I …"

"Cameron, please," Sarah said. "I'm begging you."

Tearfully, she finally nodded. "OK. Yes. I will. I'll save him. I'll love him. I'll protect him. You know I will."

"I do," Sarah said as she sank back and closed her eyes. "I trust you," she whispered, her voice fading away.

The last expression on her face was one of peace.


End file.
